I am happy.
I may look happy.
And I may seem happy.

But it doesn't mean everything is smooth sailing.

I have been struggling. With my many issues. My bad habits that I can't kick, my many temperamental feelings, my anger, my disappointment in myself , my future which seems bleak at best, the fact that I have barely enough money, the fact that I had to fend for myself in this world.

But I am
So thankful.
God has not forsaken me and will not forsaken me.
I serve Him not because I want to get something out of it.
But because I want to love him more. Until there is no more me. Because the me I am is so ...
Flawed. Conflicted. Hypocritical.Selfish.Always wanting but never giving . Lack minded. Self minded.Problematic.Stubborn.Greedy.Proud.

But God's grace is sufficient for me. He's doing a work in me. I can't see it but I know it.

I want to change
From "the beloved is mine , and I am the beloved's"
To " I am the beloved's, and the beloved is mine"

And I am contend with being a nobody. Because You are always so good


Lalalalala