Letting go.

Though it looks like my whole heart's thrown out.



If You can

even

take

me

in.





I would be surprised.



Then again, who wouldn't?

Now, I am not nothing. I'm worse than nothing.











Not that it mattered. I can't find a hole big enough to bury myself in anyway.







Let's face the music tomorrow. Not that I like it, or I want to.


Because I have to. Against whatever goes through this tinny weeny brain of mine .


Separated from God(isaiah 59:1-3)
Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened,
That it cannot save;
Nor His ear heavy,
That it cannot hear.
But your iniquities have separated you from your God;
And your sins have hidden His face from you,
So that He will not hear.
For your hands are defiled with blood,
And your fingers with iniquity;
Your lips have spoken lies,
Your tongue has muttered perversity.

Sin Confessed(Isaiah 59:9-15)
Therefore justice is far from us,
Nor does righteousness overtake us;
We look for light, but there is darkness!
For brightness, but we walk in blackness!
We grope for the wall like the blind,
And we grope as if we had no eyes;
We stumble at noonday as at twilight;
We are as dead men in desolate places.
We all growl like bears,
And moan sadly like doves;
We look for justice, but there is none;
For salvation, but it is far from us.
For our transgressions are multiplied before You,
And our sins testify against us;
For our transgressions are with us,
And as for our iniquities, we know them:
In transgressing and lying against the Lord,
And departing from our God,
Speaking oppression and revolt,
Conceiving and uttering from the heart words of falsehood.
Justice is turned back,
And righteousness stands afar off;
For truth is fallen in the street,
And equity cannot enter.
So truth fails,
And he who departs from evil makes himself a prey.


Isaiah 1:16-18
“Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean;
Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes.
Cease to do evil,
Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Rebuke the oppressor;
Defend the fatherless,
Plead for the widow.
“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool.



I am so tainted red .

Forgive me.

Washed me with Your blood, so that I can be.

White. Like snow and dove and cream.

Maybe cream, cause they are food for others.

Or dove, peace.

Or snow, beauty of water frozen to ice , hardy and yet stunningly beautiful. Especially in their crystal formation.


Maybe I can find a miracle.

His name is Jesus.





Ironically, vodka is called "living water" sometimes. Alcohol can cause liver failure which eventually cause death. Weird much. Random thoughts.

But He is my living water.

Wash me clean.



I am rambling. Half the time, the thoughts in my head might tear my heart asunder and still another minute it makes me burst out in tears.

Ok. Enough. Sleep. Soon.


Lalalalala