Today I woke up at 7.10am. Was like "Sian, lates for school". Then look at time table then I saw that first 2 hour was lecture then was like very tired and cramp all over my body.


Then I slept some more and told someone that I will be late.

Then as I prepared to leave my house after that, I got a sms from the same person.

She asked me this weird question, and since other people names were involved, I tried to ask why she bother to ask.

Then she said I was in deep trouble and big shit , and it will worsen if I dont tell her immediately or quickly. So I told her, because it reallys seem serious and the topic of discussion was bad. I felt like....WHY ME AGAIN and I really didnt feel like going to school. I feel like running away, and my mood was like totally drowning me.

Next thing I know, she say it's not my fault. I WAS LIKE...FIRST YOU TELL ME I AM IN DEEP SHYT, NOW YOU TELL ME IT's NOT MY FAULT. And she didnt tell me what the hell went on while I wasnt there to start that commotion

So I sent an sms, which goes like "What? You think you very funny?"

Next thing you know she hounds me with an sms filled of block letters.(Signifying shouting and anger) which was like ??!!! . So I try to tell her why I ask her she was being funny or something. And I said I am sorry.

Then she sents me some more big letters sms, one which is to GTH and see say she SEE you never .

And it hurt me. Because I treat her like a close friend. And I cried on the train...the first time I did that for a friend since 5 months ago. And I told her I was hurt.

You think adding insult to injury wasnt good enough. She sents me an sms that demeans me, hurts me, and turn me upside down.

The message reads:"Oh right, I forgot, you're the only one who cries, the only one who feels, the one who feels, the only one who has problems in life. Your problem is you always think you're the only one shyt happens to, so you get all upset and mopey. People like you are weak You guys cant stay happy because you need attention so bad to tell yourself someone still cares when it's obvious they do. You are oblivious to everything except being sad, but trust me when I say that's just being pathetic".


I think I was suppose to be angry, if it were you, you probably will. But I was just very disappointed.


And ya, she is still angry, she probably think she's right to say all this.But, cause she think I am an asshole. But at the end of the day...

I dont hate you, I forgive you. I am disappointed. You dont know how bad you make me feel.

In the end I went to see a doctor, got an MC, went to school late, miss lab, went to OBC tutorial but dont understand what was going on. Screwed up in the quiz.

And I acted indifferent, acted like I was sick, in fact I was sick. Sick and tired.

SICK AND TIRED of having people trample over me, Sick and tired of people hurting me. Sick and tired of being nice to everyone, but everyone F you upside down. Sick and tired of facing my demons. Sick and tired of being the butt of the blame. Sick and tired of being hurt.


Deut 1:29-31
"Then I say to you, "Do not be terrified or afraid of them. The LORD your God , who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in EGYPT before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you saw how the LORD your God carried you , as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place"


Thank God I am not suicidal, thank God I am afraid of pain, that I do not mutilate myself. Thank God my only way of destress is by music . Thank God, I am not having depression.

Because life is unfair. I learnt that from young, where everyone has everything while I have lack. Because I am only mopey cause you dont know what the hell has I gone through to stay alive! But thank God, at least He's my DADDY, even when I have no father.

And I am not going to change. I am me. Being emotional and getting all down is how I handle disappointment.


So I am sorry, if I hurt you in any ways.But dont worry, I wont hurt you anymore.

But you make me cry like a baby when I write all this.






And today, I almost gave up all hope. But thinking about you sort of gave me some smile.


Lalalalala