Today i wake up...kinda numb. I decided to stop thinking too much. While i was having lunch, a bunch of kids shriek,because they were getting beaten by their mother.

My heart ache. The part i hate my life was my childhood years. I was beaten ...just because i did wrong, and my brother dont want me to follow in his footstep. The beatings werent kind. Cane wasnt used. Fist, kicks, metal sticks, umbrella, whatever he could get his hands on. Some times i got beaten up because of a simple misunderstanding, which i felt simply unfair... and in my childhood, i didnt have much friends....guess you could count my friends with your five fingers...

The childhood memories got so many bad memories...but above all, there was hope... in the end, i turn out to be rather a bit "smart" and got into express....which means i still dont have friend, and got depression at about sec 3 and find it meaningless.

Perhaps, nobody step in to help. EVEN the so called "professional school counsellor" make it worse for me. My father left me when i was young and stuff, and the only joy in my life, God, i doubted Him back then.... and the school wasnt kind to me so i ran away from school and then i finally couldnt take it and went to attempt the suicide.

And then didnt commit it, and then, i got home, and i got beat up again for getting a $200+ handphone bill=.=" but i grow out of all these bad memories...stronger.

PERHAPS life isnt always fair. But, i learnt that God is real, and He loves me, and that's all it matter=)

I am not going to give up. I hate being ignored. But i am willing to wait.


Lalalalala